Seriously, Jesus!

"Dear Lord, I'm so very thankful for your blessings"--RING! RING!--"and I ask that you watch over my family"--BEEP!! BEEPETY BEEP BEEP!!--"especially for my baby niece that hasn't been born"--"Take me out to the ballgame!!"--"okay, seriously God, what's up with these old people and their cell phones? Please send me a sign that you will take care of this." ALLELUIA!!!!!!! ALLELUIA!!!! "Yeah, that's not the sign I was thinking of, okay? In your name I pray, Amen."

Old people. I love 'em. Some of my favorite people in the world are old people--self-proclaimed, I did not give them the label. Their manners can be impeccable. Doors open, pleases and thank yous, great listeners, and the list could go on and on. But there is one piece of etiquette that hasn't caught up with these traditionalists and baby boomers: the use of their cell phones!

Several years ago there was a big to do with young people and their cell phones. They were bringing them to school, they were talking on them in public places, they were letting them ring with loud, obnoxious ring tones, and of course they were interrupting any face-to-face conversation to take a call. They were a rude nuisance to all those around the impolite cell phone user.

Since then, I'm not saying that young people have gotten better, but we've made some changes to squelch the aforementioned rude behaviors. We walk to quieter places to take a call, we put our phones on vibrate or silent, we have been using text messaging to avoid the very public conversations, and perhaps we have replaced face-to-face talks for ones over the phone.

New cell phone etiquette rules are well-known among those 40 and younger, but I was very much enlightened by old people this past weekend. In case you haven't noticed, they all have cell phones now. Oh, wait you probably have.

I was at a conference this weekend with roughly 1200 other individuals. This was a Catholic conference I was invited to by a good friend of mine. I was excited to spend time in prayer and give myself a fighting chance to make it to heaven. Walking in, I was surrounded by older people--as in 60+ years! This would be a great place to nurture my need for peace!

One would think that you had a perfect audience to speak about Jesus, God, and the Virgin Mary. We were good listeners, we sat quietly, we said please and thank you, but we had a problem. THE CELL PHONE. During one particular part of this conference, we participated in something called the Adoration of Christ. It is a very sacred time of awe, prayer, and meditation. It is supposed to be silent, with the exception of the priest leading us in prayer. I was excited to be alone in my prayer and go through my laundry list of people I wanted God to watch over and bless and those I wanted him to zap with a bolt of lightning.

But no, my quiet thoughts were interrupted several times, and by several I mean roughly 10-15, with cell phones blaring the trumpet voluntary, Fleur Elise, the salsa, and I think ringtone #5 was thrown in there at some point. But when I quickly looked up to give the cell phone culprit a dirty look--I threw all Christ-like forgiveness to the wind--a white haired lady would be rummaging through her gunney sack of a purse to quiet it.

My friends and I would exchange our judgemental and horrified glances. Don't they know the new rules? Don't they know that their phones come with different sound settings? Didn't they remember to do something about their phone before they were going to start praying really hard to Jesus?

A personal favorite of ours was when the classic Verizon ringtone went off, starting quietly, then progressing to an extremely loud jingle. I turned around to see a man roughly 80 years old struggling to get his phone out of his hip holster. His cane kept falling every time he tried to grab his phone, creating quite the scene. When he finally won the struggle with the holster, I thought he would quiet the phone and put it away, but I guess he figured it took so long to get the darn thing out that he may as well take the call.

While the priest prayed for all those in failing health, my man behind me let the confused caller know he was not happy with her timing.

"Well, where do you think I am?!....Okay, I'm sitting on the side part...Well, they've already started so you better get here soon...Yes, I have a seat for you....ya...bye."

Did that just happen? At first it made me annoyed, but then I think the Virgin Mary gave me some divine intervention. My annoyance turned to laughter. She reminded me that old women were still finding ways to nag their husbands. No matter where this guy was, he knew he better answer that phone because he would get it ten times worse if he didn't answer it. I agreed with the Blessed Mary and chose not to judge--well, kind of chose not to judge.

The old people will come around soon. They will learn to fiddle around with their phone long enough to find all the neat things it does besides take and make calls. But I can't wait until I'm 87 years old to cyber-poke my husband and ask him to repeat what the priest just said.